Do Not Date This Guy

The vast majority of guys are good, kind and usually lovely. Unfortunately, there are some exceptions to this rule. Use this handy little check-list as your watch-out in the dating jungle and stay on your A-game.

The Guru

Loves to wax spiritual trite, tantric philosophy and can quote the Bhagavad Gita. Everything he says seems so profound and he’s just so.damn.enlightened. The Guru can be found meditating by the beach, sweating it out on his (ecofriendly) yoga mat, and eating organic food in a hipster café in Bondi. Reasons not to date him: The Guru has a god-complex and thinks he’s the second coming of Jesus. Too much kale juice and pranayama breathing has caused a glitch in his lower 3 chakras and he can no longer hold a conversation without lecturing you, inappropriate touching or doing the creepy eye gaze thing.

The Emotional ‘Tard

The ‘Tard has the emotional intelligence of a shoe and gets scared with the slightest hint of female keen, like or emotion. They can be found running away from nice girls and hiding out in man caves. Reasons not to date him: The dude’s an emotional cripple,  why would you go anywhere near him?

The Douche

If Justin Bieber and The Situation had a love child, it’ll be this guy. The Douche can be found at the gym (getting shredded for stereo), shopping at Ed Hardy, getting a facial and a full body wax. He loves being seen ‘up in the club with his boyz’ or dancing at a festival with his shirt off. Reasons not to date him: Do not be seen with him, do not go home with him and do not talk to him. The worst thing… his fake tan will leave bright orange stains all over your sheets.

Bankers and Lawyers 

Just ’cause.

The Addict

Addicts come in many varieties; drugs, sex, love, booze or gambling. They’re broken, beautiful but completely self-centred. Addicts can be found at 711 with the munchies, snorting coke off a dirty toilet seat or falling out of a club at 5am. Reasons not to date him: You’ll always come in a sorry second to their addiction. The come downs smell like dirty socks, they have the most epic mood swings and are totally fu*ked up. Do not date an addict.

The Playa

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game – whatevs – I love a guy who’s got great game, it’s so hot. I personally have no problems with a Playa as long as he’s honest and upfront. Married or coupled playas deserve a kick in the shins because they’re just being dishonest and cowardly. Reasons not to date him: Be careful and don’t fall in love with the Playa. Tip of the day – double bag that shit unless you want a STD. C

Can you think of anymore?  Share them in the comments below!