Wives and Breeders

I’m not a marriage and babies type of gal. I’m more ‘meh’ rather than ‘zomg’ when it comes to either option. Both seem nice but I’m not entirely fussed either way and neither strike me as a valid measure of success or self-worth even though I realise that my views leave me in the minority.

I understand the reasons why people want to get married – public declarations of love, a sign of commitment and the promise of ‘forever.’ On a more pragmatic level, married people have immediate access to all relationship rights and better entitlements on taxes, finance, healthcare and properly.

And just between you and me, breeders freak me out. The mad rush to procreate seems silly and somewhat irresponsible given the climbing population rates, increased cost of living and decline in natural resources. Some kids are super cute, I get that. I love my nieces and nephews and being around friends children. But again, they’re not something I lose my shit over.

But for many women staring down the ageist barrel of 35 the stress of ending up alone, barren and the worry of leaving it too late starts to become a real point of contention and source of unnecessary fear. I have nothing against people getting married or having babies.  I just think it’s a stupid measure of self-worth and people shouldn’t beat themselves up for not ‘achieving’ either.

We’re so afraid of being alone. It’s a false fear. I know that my most powerful periods of growth and realization came when I really embraced being by myself and focused all my energy inwards rather than on an external measure of success.

When I got good at being alone, I wasn’t lonely and life got really fu*king fun. I stopped investing in people and relationships that weren’t worth my time and I stopped trying to distract myself with being ‘too busy’ or caught up in work and life.

I stopped dating like it was a sport and using men as a distraction. I let go of my neediness and expectations of what life ‘should’ look like and become really content with enjoying the present. I got happier just being by myself and pouring my energy into doing the things that I loved rather than stressing myself out about finding my next boyfriend, play thing or a potential baby daddy.

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Self-love (as naff as it sounds) and self-care are the secrets to a happy life and fulfilling relationships. I know that’s the big reason why Ben – my boyfriend – and I are so happy. I was prepared to go inwards, be vulnerable and do the self-work first so I had something of value to give him.

Ultimate happiness and self-love starts with you. Not with finding someone else to make you happy. It’s the other way around. Do the work and never be afraid of being alone.