My Relationship Rules: The Swinger
I know very little about swinging – is it just recreational sex with different partners or a way of deepening and strengthening an existing relationship? I asked Penny* to share some of her experiences, the benefits and the tricky bits to being in the scene.
How did you end up in the scene?
My ex boyfriend introduced me. We had the “so what naughty things have you previously tried…” discussion early in the relationship. I was intrigued by the whole threesome, orgy scenario. So one day he took me to a local sex club – he held my hand whilst I relaxed into the environment and we watched other couples have sex, then I had my first encounter with another woman as a threesome. It was perfect.
Do sex clubs have a screening process?
I wish! Being under 35, I’m usually I’m one of the young ones. The age range is vastly skewed to 45+ in Australia, but there are other countries that have a thriving young scene. You certainly need to have an open mind when entering the Sydney Swinger Scene – it’s by no means a sea of hard bodied men and tight lithe women.
What ‘moves’ do you need to know when having sex with multiple people at one time?
You have to be flexible. And to get the full experience, a woman needs to enjoy both the masculine and feminine physiques. Orgies are not top of my list when it comes to sexual dynamics. I prefer MFM, FMF or the couple sex.
What do you enjoy about swinging?
There’s a certain liberation that comes with the scene… the aura of desire is also addictive. Plus I thrive on the sexual adventure and exploration. And swinging isn’t just about the sex, it’s about community. You make friends with other couples, have play dates or sex house parties.
What don’t you enjoy?
Sometimes the scene gets stale and there are certainly watch-outs when it comes to swinging with your partner. And as a woman I’m naturally pickier with who we play with, but more often it’s me that has to “take-one for the team”… there’s a lot of couples where the man is much older than his young pretty wife.
Recommendations for people keen to start on the scene:
Make sure your relationship has a strong foundation based on trust and honesty – swinging won’t work for you without it!
Talk about your boundaries, what are you both happy to do and not do
Watch out for each other, ensure you’re both comfortable with what’s happening.
And don’t loose the connection between the two of you. Fundamentally I believe swinging is not just about the sex, but a shared exciting experience that you have with your partner. So keep the intimacy – watch each other, touch each other, then when you’re home just the two of you, talk about it and re-live it together.